My throat burns with progress.
I’ve lost weight but have refused to go on a scale. When I feel like I’m 110lbs, I’ll weigh myself. It’s taking a toll on me mentally. I forgot what it was like not to eat. I’m in my head all of the time and very irritable.
My roommate is worried about me. We went out last night and after two drinks, I was pretty drunk but I kept drinking. When we got home, I refused to eat and she was yelling at me to eat some crackers. When I woke up, half of the sleeve was gone. I can’t remember eating them, I was so drunk.
It feels good to be empty. I’m feeling lighter and more pure.
The familiarity of my headaches, my dizziness, my tiredness. All of it whispering you’re doing great, keep it up, it’ll all be worth it.
Without it, there would be no progress. Just fat building on top of fat. I’m cleansing my body, ridding it of junk through any means necessary.
No more than 800cals a day. I want to be back to my original weight by December. No more than 110lbs.
I can hear my stomach talking to me. We’re arguing over I should drink water or not. I’ll let it win. Water and tea. That’s all for today.
60323) I hate when people think I’ll judge their bodies/eating habits harshly because of my eating disorder. Yes I think I’m fat. No I don’t think you’re fat, even though you wear a much larger size than I do. Yes I think I eat too much. No I don’t think you eat too much, even though you eat so much more than I do. I envy you.
I ate in front of people, drank what I wanted. I bought bigger size clothes. My skin looked beautiful. People complimented me on how good I look with a little meat on me.
I was living a lie. I was dying inside. I hated every minute that I ate and every ounce I was gaining. I faked a smile and told everybody I was happy. I’m done lying.
Every pound that I gained must be shed quickly. I’m back.